Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought to yourself, “Wow, I thought I’d be further ahead by now.” If you have, you’re not alone. Today, I’m going to share the one thing I learned — something I share with my money coaching clients — that allowed me to help women go from wanting more to having more, which can help you get back on track.
Lifestyle Change: To Stay or to Go
Let’s face it, ladies. Big lifestyle changes are unsettling and scary. Even when it’s our idea, that place between where you are and where you want to be is uncomfortable. And who wants to be forced out of their comfort zone: Nobody, right?
Well, the truth is, our real growth happens just outside of that soft, cushy place of the familiar. Like the beautiful butterfly emerging from the bland cocoon, or the gorgeous lotus flower that pushes through the muck, often the only way out is by plunging through.
Where to Start to Get Back on Track
Everything in your life right now is a reflection of what you believe you deserve. If you have an “itty-bitty committee” in your head telling you you’re not worthy, that is a perfect example of a subconscious limiting belief.
Studies suggest the bulk of our thoughts are processed in the subconscious. If we are consciously or unconsciously telling ourselves we can’t, or we don’t deserve, or we are not worthy, that becomes reality. And here’s another tip: In my experience, your net worth has a direct correlation with your self-worth.
Easier Said Than Done
I know change is challenging. Standing at the intersection of “what I know and what I don’t know” causes the part of our brain, known as the reptilian brain, to go into fight or flight mode. When this happens, the frontal cortex (the decision-making brain) shuts down. What a double whammy! When we need it most, the decision-making part of the brain turns off.
A confused mind tends to say no.
So while we are in “fight or flight” mode, confusion sets in. Knowing which direction to take becomes so overwhelming, we often decide to do nothing. And so, what changes? Zilch. We are still dealing with the bad job, bad relationship, or bad habit.
This is because we want certainty — and change is the opposite of certainty.
My Inspiration to Get on Track
Growing up, I watched women stay in bad, often unsafe relationships out of fear of change. My late mother was one of them. She was miserable in her marriage and suffered bouts of depression because of it.
Her fear of not knowing how she would support herself if she left her husband kept her stuck and miserable. She preferred the certainty of where she was over the unknown. My mother didn’t have “proof” that she couldn’t support herself, but fear and limiting beliefs prevented her from finding out.
Limiting Beliefs and Financial Self-Sufficiency
Even with all the progress made by today’s women, there are many that need to learn how to build their money muscles to be financially self-sufficient.
Mary (name has been changed) came to me because, in her mind, she was bad at handling money. She told me how she grew up and shared her painful money memories.
After working through “the muck,” she was able to identify the origin of her negative money patterns.
Once she became aware, Mary made a commitment to break the familiar patterns and learn new behaviors that would help her improve her finances. With a young daughter to raise, she became determined to break the cycle of poor money decisions caused by negative self-talk for herself and her daughter.
The Only Way Out Is Through
Mary was “stuck in the muck,” with a negative opinion of herself. The first thing she said to me was “I’m really bad with money.” Once she showed me her credit card and bank statements, I saw her debt balances were higher than her savings and retirement accounts. It was obvious being “bad with money” was a deeply rooted belief.
To eliminate this subconscious thinking, we went through a series of exercises to find the cause. We discovered she was copying her parents’ money behavior — taking care of strangers before herself.
Her parents would give money to charity or a neighbor in need before taking care of their own family. As painful as it was for her to remember, it was essential for her to develop awareness of her subconscious motivation to break the cycle.
The subconscious messaging she received growing up: “I am not worthy, everyone else’s needs are more important.” This showed up in many areas of her life, including her finances.
Awareness Is Not Enough
After studying Mary’s finances, I realized her income was much lower than my other clients in the same field with comparable work experience. By engaging with the money coaching exercises, Mary could trace back to the point that she developed low self-worth.
By supplying Mary with exercises and tools to change her opinion of herself, she shifted her money mindset and improved her self-esteem. Mary’s transformation was probably the most impactful one I’ve witnessed. Her courage and commitment to doing the work to get positive results inspires me every day.
How Determination Prevailed in Getting Back on Track
When we started working together, the idea of looking for a better job freaked Mary out. It could help her get her life back on track, but it would be hard. “I’d rather walk down the street naked than go on a job interview,” she said.
By teaching her to focus on “why,” I helped Mary to realize she had to earn more money to break the cycle for herself and her daughter. With a new level of determination and courage, Mary agreed to search for a better job.
By focusing on exactly what she wanted, and acting on leads that fit, Mary replaced her dead-end job with one that was more fulfilling — and doubled her income!
Be Open to Help
When you take time to become aware of your subconscious thoughts and limiting beliefs, your behavior changes. For some, the best way to make that shift is to work with a coach.
Look for someone who will hold you accountable while providing constructive exercises to help you form habits that will serve your future self and help you get back on track.
How to Re-Record Your Internal Message
Getting your life back on track could mean needing to readjust your thought process. If you’re holding on to negative self-talk, it’s time to rewrite the “itty-bitty committee” recording.
Begin by journaling every time you have a negative thought about yourself, your situation, or your ability.
Do this exercise over the next 30 minutes. With each thought, ask yourself “Is this the truth?” Write your responses in your journal. Keep asking until you reach a resounding “no way!” or “It soon won’t be true!”
The Power of Affirmations
Then, replace the negative thought with a positive one and write it in the form of an affirmation — a statement made in the present tense that is positive and inspiring.
When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, such as “I’m not good with money,” you could say in your head or out loud “Cancel, cancel!” and replace it with a positive thought. This change could help you get back on track.
Try this on for a daily positive affirmation:
“I am loved, I am smart, I create more than enough money with ease!” A shift in your mindset doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s a decision on your part to start taking action. Practice repeating positive affirmations to yourself. You may find other affirmations that speak to you. Do this exercise daily until it becomes your new normal.
The First Step Toward Financial Freedom Is Clarity
Do you feel ambivalent about what you want? This mindset will keep you stuck. It’s essential to learn to move through ambivalence if you want to create real lasting change.
Here’s an exercise that will help you quickly gain clarity: Think about what you want, ask yourself this simple question, and write your response in your journal:
What about _____________is important to me?
Don’t overthink it, answer with the first thought that comes to mind. For example, if your goal is to start a business, ask yourself: What about starting a business is important to me? Your answer might be “having a flexible schedule.”
Add your answer into the previous question. Then ask: What about having a flexible schedule is important to me? Write the answer.
I ask my clients to repeat this process at least seven times until they get to the core of why this is important to them — it helps the message sink in. You need to really go deep. That is when the magic happens that lets you get your life back on track.
You will have a deep level of clarity that will motivate and inspire you to press on. You will show up in an authentic way. You will act from your heart, not your head. The buzz will be empowering and make you unstoppable!
- Why is starting a business important to me?
- What about losing weight is important to me?
- Why is improving my finances important to me?
- What about paying off debt is important to me?
- Why is finding a new job important to me?
How Coaching Can Benefit You
Often I am asked to explain the benefits of coaching. If you look at any “superstar”, whether they are an athlete, entrepreneur, or any other professional, they’ve likely worked with a coach. Even though they’ve achieved a high level of success, they want to be in the mode of continuous improvement.
Money Mindset coaching looks at your past to help drill down to where limiting beliefs originate. Once identified, your coach will teach you new habits, beliefs, and behaviors to help you create a better future.
Coaching empowers the client to find the answers from within, and learn how to take inspired action to attain their goals.
The Bottom Line
If you want to get your life back on track by making a change in any area, start by changing your thought process!
Make a commitment today to deciding what you want and go for it! I hope at least one of these ideas help you gain clarity in your everyday life, and inspire you to take steps to follow your passion!