Dating Girls: We’re Not Your Charity Cases | Photo by Eric Strausman

Eric Strausman

Dating Girls: We’re Not Your Charity Cases

•  4 minute read

Trust me, most women don't expect you, the man, to pay for everything. Much less do we expect to be seen as “charity cases.”

Sometimes the urge to write strikes me as if sent from the very heavens above, driven by the angels themselves to put pen to paper or fingertip to keyboard with words that feel so inspiring, they could upend entire civilizations.

Then other times, the urge to write strikes me when I read something horrendous written for the very website I work for. No offense, my guy, but I could not sit idly by and let this mess exist without a counter written somewhere, now could I?

Them’s fightin’ words, I know. But if you value women as human beings, you’ll understand why when you read the aforementioned article by Will Lipovsky.

First, let’s establish that we both agree on one thing: Online dating isn’t all bad. I’ve had some lovely experiences with Tinder. Yes, some not so lovely ones, too, but nothing dangerous or frightening.

This other article was written in 2015, so it’s only natural that online dating has come a long way since then. (The good Catholic girl in me is willing to believe that my counterpart’s views may have evolved in that time, too.)

There are more sites and apps to choose from than ever. Plus, the internet is so invasive and expansive that it’s easy to do a quick background check to make sure you’re not meeting a catfish or a serial killer. Well, for the most part.

The latter is something my male counterpart may never have to consider, but that’s an issue for another time. I’d rather pick apart other aspects of his tale.

 

You Never Really Know Someone Until . . . 

No amount of chatting with someone online will help you to know what the person is really like, much less save you money in the long run.

It doesn’t matter where you meet someone, be it in a bar or on Tinder. If you choose to go on a date with that person, you have to be prepared to spend money. Unless, of course, you choose a free date idea, but that isn’t often a first-date mandate.

Nor is a bad date necessarily a waste of money, in my opinion. Dating is tough. Trying to meet someone to share your life with (or at least a part of your life with) will never be straightforward.

But first dates are so much fun! Even if the other person is a bit of a weirdo, bad dates teach you exactly what you don’t want.

It’s a chance not only to talk about myself (my favorite subject), but also to get to know someone else, pretty much from scratch. My counterpart is under the impression that you can truly know the “contours” of someone’s personality just from viewing a profile and chatting online. This just isn’t true.

He talks of the very intricate “process” he has before he takes a girl out on a date. I can imagine it’s almost as intense as the vetting process immigrants go through to get into the United States, only I’m the one who has to pay for that, not some dude who only spends money on someone he deems “worthy” of his time.

 

The Cost of Dating Girls: Shed the Stereotypes and Wise Up

One thing we both agree on is that it’s no longer a preconceived notion that the man must always pay. What doesn’t shock me, though, is that he says, “The guy could pay, the girl could pay (I have yet to go on that date!).”

Top Dating Apps of 2018

If you’re interested in getting into online dating (if you haven’t already), here is a list of the top apps out there.

While most of them are free, they do contain premium features for a fee. Thirteen percent of users pay these fees already, with an additional 29 percent admitting to having done so before or being willing to pay up in the future, according to a survey by Statista.

  • Tinder: This is the main one I have used, and with varying rates of success. Some great guys, some not so great. Don’t regret any of it, though! (Free; options for paid upgrades)
  • OkCupid: Intense profile sign-ups have always turned me off using it. Though my friend met his husband-to-be through the site, so maybe it’s not to be written off just yet. (Free; options for paid upgrades)
  • Hinge: I love the concept of this one. It lets you see everyone that likes you straight off the bat — takes the fear out of matching. I also hear they match you with friends of friends on Facebook, so it seems safer. (Free; options for paid upgrades)
  • Match.com: This is the oldest one on the list, and some say the father of all online dating sites. Match.com is still wildly popular today, but with a slightly more mature audience. ($26.99 for three months; extremely limited free option)
  • eHarmony: This platform matches you based on key personality traits. The end goal seems to focus largely on marriage, unlike most of the other sites, which usually quote dating as their mantra. ($59.99 for one month; no free option)
  • Bumble: The girl has to message first on this app. Seems like a great idea, but honestly I don’t think a lot of men like it when a girl makes the first move, as trivial as that may be! (Free; options for paid upgrades)
  • Grindr: This one is specifically for gay, bi, trans, and queer people. It’s notorious in the gay community, and to my knowledge has led to many successful relationships among my LGBTQ+ friends. (Free; options for paid upgrades)
Oh, have you yet to do that, Mr. Lipovsky? What a surprise! Maybe it’s because you treat women like investments rather than human beings. Just a thought.

My counterpart “doesn’t feel like” blowing $100 every weekend on some poor, unassuming girl. What kind of dates are you taking these girls on, Will? You can’t be pissed off at them if you insist on paying the bill at a place that you no doubt chose. If you feel like paying, then take your own advice: Grab a Groupon voucher and quit your whining!

 

We’re Not Your Charity Cases 

This next part I feel I must quote in full so the reader can experience the true horror of it:

“I once took out a girl I didn’t know very well. I met her in person, and throughout dinner I found myself wondering, Why am I allowing this stranger to charge so much dang sushi to my bill? How is it all disappearing so fast? And now she wants to get ice cream. It’s 9 p.m. — is that too early for a yawn to get me out of this?

“After wrapping up the night at a candy shop, I felt like I was donating to charity. I was feeding someone I hardly knew, and there was no personal benefit.”

There you have it, folks. Dating girls, to my counterpart, is donating to charity. He doesn’t find this person attractive or appealing, so he automatically assumes he’s doing her a favor by spending some money on her. Thank you, my Lord, for stepping down off your high horse and “feeding” us lowly womenfolk!

His idea is that the longer you speak to someone online before you meet up, the quicker you’ll become comfortable with the person. Therefore, you can spend less money on dates because you can hang out at each other’s houses. Sound logic, I guess.

Or you could just wait until you have money to spend on a date instead of panicking because your date orders an extra coke. Just a suggestion. An even wilder suggestion? Actually ask to split the bill if you’re so worried about having to pay for everything. Practice what you preach, my guy.

 

Dating Girls (or Boys) Is What You Make of It

Dating is more expensive than not dating, whichever way you slice it. Let’s just put that out there. If you’re going to the trouble of meeting someone, give her your time and respect, not just your money.

If you’re feeling unlucky in love and also unlucky in finances, there are tons of free or cheap date ideas out there. Try a couple of drinks in a dive bar, happy hour bites in a restaurant nearby, or a walk in the local park. Don’t bring your date to a fancy sushi bar, insist on spending $100, and then bitch about it if you don’t get a goodnight kiss.

Okay, yes, I’m only assuming that last part is the reason for the vitriol. But it’s a fair assumption, wouldn’t you say? Sorry, not sorry.