A Guy’s View On Dating and Chivalry: Don’t Use Me For My Wallet
What’s the right time to open up the wallet in a relationship?
Is chivalry dead, or just abused? Here is one guy’s story:
I felt like a prostitute, used for just one thing: my wallet. I couldn’t help that feeling as I filled up my car before the lonely drive back home.
I’d had my first date with this girl. The date felt more like a father-daughter date than a real one. Do you know what I mean? On a father-daughter date, the father dotes on the daughter, sparing no expense. They do everything the daughter wants to do.
The girl usually says things like, “Daddy can we go on the ferris wheel?” While on a date, it’s more like, “Think it would be fun if we rode the ferris wheel?” That’s the only difference.
I did everything she wanted to do on this date. We went to a vegan restaurant, saw the movie she wanted to see, went to an old-fashioned ice cream shop (I tried some, but I’ve been pretty much sugar-free for years, so I can’t stand the stuff anymore).
This was probably exacerbated because we were in college and she didn’t have a car, so it kind of felt a little like I was, in today’s terms, her Uber driver. At the end of the date, I got a kiss on the cheek as she hopped out of the passenger seat.
That wasn’t the best date ever, but it wasn’t that expensive.
WHAT GETS EXPENSIVE IS WHEN YOU DATE SOMEONE AND A LOT OF MONEY FLIES AROUND EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
I had a friend around this time who took out his dates in a beat up 1994 Jeep. It was an ugly car, even for a Midwestern guy. I can’t imagine how repulsive the vehicle must have been to the California girls he always seemed to be dating.
After the third date, he would bring out his showroom-condition Ford Mustang. I loved what he did. That’s real chivalry done right.
He took money out of the equation. He gave his dates some time to see him without his money. Then, if all went well, he brought out the money. He would begin investing in the relationship after the third date. That’s his “third date rule.”
I think there’s a real point in a relationship when it’s time to invest. I think it’s when you know you’re both in it, regardless of money. Part of what’s cool about this stage is that any money you invest will make you happy, as well. It’s a win-win. It should never be a matter of one person getting it over on the other.
Spending money on a relationship that’s not going anywhere isn’t any fun, and it’s not real chivalry. It’s expensive. And what waiting to invest also does – it keeps you from using money as a crutch, which is so easy to do.
Instead of giving them your time, you throw some cash their way. In the long run, spending money on them instead of time makes them feel cheap. It’s kind of like the dad who buys his kid all the baseball gear he can imagine, but never has time to play catch.
I keep going back to these parent-and-child analogies and wondering whether they are creepy or comforting. Still, they do apply.
The girl and I did not last, but in a last-ditch effort, I did try throwing more money her way. It just delayed the inevitable. So money can help you get a partner, but it’ll be momentary. Kind of like the saying, “Marry first for money, marry next for love.”
Don’t spend a lot in a relationship until you’re both committed. If you don’t wait, you’ll feel like a prostitute as you pump gas alone at 11 p.m.